I was reading a post someone had put on Facebook about the things we should all give up to make us happy. I normally dislike these easy quick fix lists that are supposed to be the instant solution to all of our worries and problems - however, in this case the list fascinated me because it was so true and easy to understand - see what you think? I've written my thoughts under each line item but I would love to read your comments too...
1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT:
I can think of many times I have insisted I am right about something or other and ended up being wrong. Has this happened to you too? None of us can always be right and very often there is no absolute right or wrong. How many times have we met people who are always wanting to be right - never listening to others and certainly not willing to consider other people's concerns or views. We all need to begin the process of going beyond opposites such as right or wrong to get some peace in our lives. Ultimately we all want to be happy - no-one wants to suffer or be miserable - if we begin to realise that everyone suffers in some way or other and has good days and bad days - very often we see things differently or from another perspective from other people - it doesn't mean we are necessarily right or wrong.
Dogmatic belief and constant insistence on being right can only lead to unhappiness both for you personally and the people you are imposing your beliefs and sense of rightness on. Think about it! Get rid of your need to always be right - it'll make you happier and all those around you.
2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL:
How many times have you heard someone say "he or she is a control freak" or similar words? Control can come in many different forms - the husband that insists on everything being done the way he wants - the wife who belittles and bosses her husband from morning to night - the man who won't let go of the television remote control and will only allow his programs on the TV - the boss who demands everything is done his or her way without listening to anyone's opinion - I suppose we all try to control people and situations from time to time - but is this right - are we causing suffering by imposing our control?
Of course there are times when control of a situation is needed but in general terms we should never need to control anyone - everything we do should be aimed at bringing happiness to everyone we meet - that is living a true happy (and if you like) spiritual life. Get rid of your need to control - make yourself and all those you meet and live with happy.
3. GIVE UP ON BLAME:
We all do it - "its your fault" - "its their fault" - always someone else's fault - so easy to blame isn't it? Yet if we think about it deeply blaming causes dislike and even hate - Blaming begins the process of you and them - opinionated beliefs that can become a reality in your mind - but can easily be completely wrong. Even if there are situations where someone has hurt you - try to think good thoughts - why did someone do this - were they sick, having a migraine, going through a bad time, jealous, maybe out of their depth in their job, lacking in education - the list of reasons can be endless but ultimately we all suffer and we all of us make mistakes.
Get rid of blame - its destructive and causes suffering to those you blame and to yourself - Think good thoughts of people even when they do wrong - bring happiness to all situations and people you encounter is not always easy but it is the greatest gift you can give and will bring you happiness.
4. GIVE UP ON YOUR SELF DEFEATING TALK:
The mind is an extraordinary thing - the power of the mind controls everything we do in our lives - if you think about it MIND is everything you are and everything you do - what we think is who we are - and yet the mind can be a devilish thing - it can control you instead of you controlling your mind. How many times have I heard "I couldn't sleep last night my mind was too busy" Positive thoughts bring positive results and even more important kind, loving compassionate, caring thoughts bring incredible happiness to you and all those around you.
How many times have I read of attractive young women saying "I hate my body" and becoming anorexic or bulimic or people say "I hate my life" or "I hate myself" - how can you hate yourself? It is so important to think loving, kind, compassionate thoughts - think of how you can help all those you meet to be happy - everyone want happiness in their lives and with positive loving thoughts you can achieve this. Self defeating thoughts can only bring unhappiness and suffering - Get rid of them now (please).
5. GIVE UP ON LIMITING BELIEFS:
Why restrict yourself to a set of beliefs when we can all learn from one another - Hundred's of millions were forced to believe in The Little Red Book of Mao tse Tung (Mao Zedong) in China, or Marx's Communist Manifesto in the Soviet Union, even the great spiritual paths of Islam, Christianity and Judaism - can trap you into believing that only you are right and everyone else is wrong. We can all learn from one another - all religions say we must respect one another's beliefs and this should apply to anything that another person believes in providing they will not harm another being. Respect everyone's right to their beliefs and respect all living beings because they are just the same as you and I - BUT please never let your belief's limit who you are and how you think and feel about other people and indeed the all the world's creatures.
We are all interconnected as living beings - we all suffer and we all want happiness for ourselves, our families and friends - why not for everyone? Why restrict and limit your beliefs? - Always keep an open mind and listen and learn from other people. All of us come from different cultures, experiences, beliefs and knowledge - understand this and share your compassion and love with everyone - is this really so difficult? When we see on television another terrible terrorist attack - deaths, suffering, hatred, misery, destruction - all of this is caused by people who have limited their beliefs, listened and been influenced by negative teachings of hate - do these people really believe that God will congratulate them and award them for causing misery, killing and suffering? - this ignorance is massive, destructive and so deeply sad. Get rid of limiting beliefs - enjoy and learn from everyone and give back happiness - its the greatest gift you can bestow.
6. GIVE UP ON CRITICISING AND COMPLAINING:
We all do it don't we - complain about bad service in a restaurant or shop - complain about the weather - complain about the train or bus that is running late - complain about this and that - criticise the government - criticise your mother-in-law - criticise the food - criticise the traffic warden - you name it - we can criticise it!! If you want to be happy stop complaining and stop criticising - aren't we lucky to be alive? Yes life can be terribly hard and tough but complaining and criticising only makes it worse - OK sometimes you have to make comments and get things right - but don't hang onto those thoughts so that your complaints and criticisms become a long standing reality and begin to shape your daily thinking and beliefs - let go of this negativity - please remember the mantra of all human beings - everyone suffers and everyone wants to be happy. Get rid of criticisms and complaining - it'll only make you unhappy.
7. GIVE UP ON LABELS:
By this I don't mean Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Chanel,. Dior or Burberry labels - although if you become obsessed by these luxury labels they too can dominate your life and give you a completely wrong attitude to life - sure enjoy them but please don't become obsessed by them. The real definition of labels in this context is labelling anyone - as examples: Black/White/Coffee coloured - Christian, Jew, Muslim, Sikh, Hindu - Socialist, Conservative, Fascist, Communist - Existentialist, Rich, Poor, Middle Class, Upper Class, better or worse - For God's sake we are ALL THE SAME - HUMAN BEINGS
Enjoy your belief's, live your belief's as along as they never harm another person or living creature, enjoy your lives but why put labels on everything?
The moment you put a label on someone it implies that you are better than someone else with a different label. The moment you realise that we are all the same life becomes better and better - Human beings and all animals SUFFER and want to be HAPPY - its as simple (and as difficult) as that. All hatreds are so evil - when we read that at times White hates Black and visa versa - Sunni hates Shia (and visa versa) - Catholic hates Protestant (and visa versa) - This one hates that one - this nation hates that nation - on and on - likes, dislikes, hatreds, obsessions, indoctrination - all bring SUFFERING. For goodness sake can't the human race get it into its thick and at times very stupid heads that we are ALL EQUAL and WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS and that we have a responsibility to care for one another and all sentient beings living on this amazing planet of ours we call home.
It is only when we get rid of labels will the human race begin to live in peace. NO-ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE - We all hurt, we all bleed, we all suffer, we all want our families and those we love to be happy - if we all want the same thing why can't we stop labelling one another and start to CARE, LOVE and SHOW COMPASSION TO ALL OTHER PEOPLE - then this world has hope - until then the suffering will continue - How is it that all the major religions say "love they neighbour" and "respect everyone" and yet this teaching is conveniently forgotten so quickly! Get rid of labels NOW
8. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE:
The bottom line is THAT EVERYTHING CHANGES - all things are IMPERMANENT
We might not like this and want everything to stay the same but nothing stays the same and nothing ever will. EVERYTHING HAS A BEGINNING, MIDDLE AND AN END - PERIOD - Its a simple and basic rule of life
Every thought, every action, everything you do has a beginning, middle and an end - the very essence of life - our own lives has a beginning, middle and an end - our own planet EARTH has a beginning, a middle and will one day have an end. This is an inescapable fact of life - therefore it is utterly pointless to have a resistance to change - everything is fluid - our thoughts and actions have a beginning, middle and an end - if we become stuck in our ways and thoughts (and beliefs) with no room for learning and change then this will bring suffering - HAPPINESS is in recognising the nature of mind and that everything is impermanent - then we can realise how IMPORTANT EVERY MOMENT IS IN OUR LIVES - how precious every minute it is - don't waste time on resistance to change - live each moment and allow yourself to learn, enjoy and embrace every second - Get rid of resistance to change - it'll only make you unhappy.
9. GIVE UP YOUR FEARS AND GIVE UP YOUR PAST:
We all worry, we all look back and wish we had done this and not done that - however, we can learn from our mistakes and from the past - but we can't change it so there is no point hanging onto it. There is a wonderful phrase I heard from a Buddhist master who said "There is no point in worrying because if you have a problem and can do something to help solve this problem go ahead and do it - if there is nothing you can do then there is simply no point in worrying"! I may not have the exact quote but you get the point?
I will come back to the point I have made throughout this blog - all humans (and animals) suffer - it is a fact of life that we all are born, live life, become sick and die - we may have a fabulously successful and interesting life but you will still become sick one day and die.
Whether you are a King, Queen, President, Captain of Industry, Famous Film or Rock Star, Athlete, Doctor, Engineer, Nurse, Politician, House Wife, Janitor or Tramp - you will all suffer and die one day - all of your wealth, all of your possessions, family, colleagues or friends will not be able to help you. Once you realise this then you realise that all of us are one and that we are all the same - then you also realise that worrying about your fears and the past actually achieves nothing. You can however, go a long way to enjoying every minute of your life and when it is your time to pass on you will feel no fear of dying because you will have lead a loving, compassionate and caring life. I truly believe we die as we have lived - if you live by the gun you will suffer and die by the gun - if you have lived a loving, kind life you will have a loving kind death.
Maybe this is not the blog to go into great depth about the incredibly beautiful spiritual path of Buddhism, but I can tell you that there is a way out of suffering and to move on from your fears and past mistakes that we all make - by living what is known as the Eightfold Path based upon LOVE & COMPASSION - never doing anything to hurt anyone or any living creature - you can blow away your fears and past and SUFFERING:
1. Right view/Right thoughts 2. Right intentions 3. Right speech 4. Right action 5. Right livelihood 6. Right effort 7. Right mindfulness 8. Right concentration (meditation)
With the power of positive loving thought and building your ability to feel compassion and love for all peoples (not just your family and friends) you will achieve happiness at levels you could not dream of.
Get rid of your fears and the past - you can't hang onto them even if you wanted to - live in the moment and enjoy every minute of your life.
10. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT:
What do we mean by this? Shouldn't I be attached to my wife or husband and my wonderful children? Of course you should love them with all your heart - but that is not quite the same as attachment - you cannot rely on other people to bring you happiness - let me explain: of course your family brings you incredible happiness and the love of a mother for her baby is probably the greatest love of all - but no matter how much you love your spouse or partner and of course your children - your personal everlasting happiness has to come from deep within you - it is this deep inner happiness that will allow you to cope with the stresses and strains of life and the ups and downs and suffering we all inevitably face.
People become obsessed and attached to people and things - we see it all the time - some people are obsessed and attached to money, others to clothes and shoes, others to fast cars - some are obsessed and attached to power or ambition at work or to fame - desperate obsessions to being on television, the way we look - obsessions and attachment can come in hundreds if not thousands of forms. But these attachments have no substance whatsoever and in the end will only bring suffering.
You cannot own another person - people can become jealous and obsessed by their partners when they speak to someone else of the opposite sex - jealousy is one of the most ghastly human illnesses - it is so destructive and comes from obsession and attachment. Material things can only bring limited happiness - how many times have you heard a young man or woman saying I want a fast car - they eventually get one and are thrilled with it for (say) six months, then they begin salivating about getting a faster, sleeker, better looking car - and so it goes on - we are never satisfied are we? Always wanting something better, bigger, more impressive - attachments vary - you can become attached to a home or pet - you can LOVE AND DEEPLY CARE FOR YOUR PET OR HOME OR FERRARI but DON'T GET OBSESSED OR ATTACHED TO THEM. No matter how much you love someone or something you cannot take them or it with you when you face your last illness and pass on.
So get rid of Attachments - never stop loving and caring - never stop being compassionate and kind - never stop living and loving every minute of your life - but don't get so obsessed and attached because that is like owning or constantly grasping someone or something - we are loaned our bodies, our families, friends and those people and things we love - remember EVERYTHING IS IMPERMANENT so enjoy them with all your heart but please don't get attached
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